When gift giving, and receiving, gets complicated
Thank… you?
We’ve all been there. You’ve been given a gift by our loved one. Filled with anticipation and delight and maybe a bit of fear that it will not be something we want. We peel away the wrapping paper and low and behold it’s… a blender. (Anyone seen Father of the Bride?) I don’t know of any serious blender enthusiasts but, ok, maybe they are out there. For me, though, a blender is not on my list of desirable gifts so, whatever your “blender” equivalent is, imagine that’s what’s been gift wrapped for you. So, what do you do now? Let’s look at some pros and cons associated with having or not having a conversation about “the blender”.
To converse about it?
– You run the risk of hurting your partner’s feelings.
– An argument might ensue.
+ You are able to express how you feel to your partner and better understand their feelings.
+ There is room for the relationship to look different in terms of gift giving.
Not to converse about it?
– You run the risk of receiving gifts that don’t speak to you.
+ An argument about the gift will not occur.
+ You feel secure in knowing that the gift giver is happy.
– Gift giving in the relationship stays the same.
👉 Read more about communication in a relationship at: 3 steps to setting the stage for a conversation with your significant other
What else do you think of when you consider talking about a gift you disliked?
As you think about the pros and cons of talking about a gift you didn’t like, consider the audience. For humans that you interact with less or who’s relationship is less significant, a conversation can create more stress instead of alleviating it. When you get a gift from a colleague the amount of pressure on that gift is different than a gift from a close friend or your significant other. Gifts from people we don’t know as well or that we don’t perceive know us as well can be easier to return and laugh about the “blender” they got you.
However, typically the level of pressure is higher for someone you believe knows you well, a partner for example. When your partner gives you a “blender” it can feel hurtful. It might cause you to have thoughts that they don’t know you as well as you thought or feel concerned about their care for you. In this case having a conversation will likely still create some stress but is more likely to be beneficial in the long run. But now comes another tricky part- what do you actually say about it?
Here are a few prompts for talking about a gift that doesn’t quite fit for you:
- I want to like your gift and I’m afraid to hurt your feelings by telling you that I want to return it. Can we talk about what this is like to hear for you?
- I want to protect your feelings but know it would be kinder to be clear with you about how I feel about this gift
- I know how vulnerable it is for you to give me a gift. Can you tell me more about it?
- Maybe I made it difficult to know what I wanted, how can I make it easier for you to know the things I like?
- I like getting gifts from you, next time could we try_?
- How can we make gift giving more enjoyable for both of us?
Gifts are meant to be an enjoyable experience. I hope this helps you consider ways to make the gift giving you are part of more positive.
I look forward to hearing from you and hope this helps you as you take your own powerful and transformative journey. Per usual take what fits for you, leave what does not, and join me next time. Until then let’s stay social 
