How am I setting unhealthy boundaries
Boundaries. There are memes and social media accounts that talk about the importance of boundaries and “How YOU need to be setting BOUNDARIES?”. They aren’t off having boundaries that are healthy for you is extremely important because they allow you to allot your energy and resources well.
However, we already have boundaries. That’s right you are already setting boundaries. We set boundaries every single day often without thinking about it. So when reading up on setting boundaries it’s critical to be curious about the boundaries that you already have because yes, you do have boundaries in place.
The BIG question is: Are the boundaries you have in place healthy for you? Let’s explore. This would be the moment you stop reading if you don’t want to explore 🙂 If you need more details on the different type of boundaries then start here What types of boundaries are there?
How are you alerting others to your physical boundaries?
I only give side-hugs.
I get really close to others when I talk to them.
I sit in front of a friend when we go out to eat instead of next to them.
I cuddle up with my significant other when watching a movie.
These are all examples of how one alerts others of their physical boundaries. We often do this unknowingly, we give someone a hug if they reach for one even if we don’t feel comfortable doing so. In this interaction you have set a boundary of I will hug you in this way. For this particular example this boundary is not healthy because you would rather not be hugging however your actions are not aligning with your boundary.
How do I let you know about my emotions?
I spend a lot of my time alone.
I tell everyone about what I’ve been doing before they even ask.
I say “I’m fine” when asked about my feelings.
I don’t answer when someone asks me about my emotions.
These are all ways that one communicates even with and without words about their emotions. It is important that your emotional boundaries align with what you need. If spending time alone often is important to you then taking time to set up an environment that allows you to do that is a necessity. Remember that only you know what is appropriate for you, even if you find others are more social, more open and more energetic, that is not the right fit for you. Neither is better or worse than the other.
How do I take care of the resources I have?
I spend a lot of time scrolling on my phone.
I buy others gifts but only when they are in my budget.
I let others have items that I still need.
I make a schedule that supports my way of life.
These are ways that one demonstrates what is okay and not okay to do with the resources they have. Money is often the resource that people think about however time, emotional energy and caretaking are also resources. The value of these items may differ depending on the current season of life one is in however it is crucial that they are managed in a way that aligns with you.
How are you interacting with the environment around you?
I am a vegetarian.
I delight in being in a bookstore.
I am surrounded by pictures of loved ones and my pets.
I like a quiet place where it’s just me and silence.
These are ways that one shows up and tailors their experiences with their environment. Perhaps you take walks outside or spend as much time indoors as possible. It is key to understand what draws you into a space be it your office, home or other and are those spaces aligning with your environmental boundaries.
We all already have boundaries in place. They are often so habitual that we forget to take a look at these boundaries with curiosity. Taking stock of our boundaries and what we are already doing allows us to decide whether these boundaries are still supporting us or if they are outdated and need to be changed.
Are you ready to improve your boundaries?
If you’re ready to know what your boundaries are and how they can help you reach your mental health goals then, book your free discovery call with me today. Let me help you uncover the transformative potential of online counseling when guided by a clear plan and the expertise of the right therapist can help you now, tomorrow and well into your future.
I look forward to hearing from you and hope this helps you as you take your own powerful and transformative journey. Per usual take what fits for you, leave what does not, and join me next time. Until then let’s stay social 🙂
