Do you offer others more compassion than you give yourself?
Have you ever noticed that you can somehow give others really good advice yet you yourself aren’t able to take your own advice? People have literally told you how good your advice is. You provide good suggestions and also sound kind and warm. This all looks really good and seems like a positive trait however, the way you talk to others does not mean that you are talking to yourself in the same way. Actually it is very likely that you are more critical towards yourself even if you were in the same situation.
Below are a few examples of different relationship situations, the compassionate response you one might give a friend in that situation, labeled compassionate response. The other option labeled Critical response which is what you might tell yourself if you were in the same situation. I hope this allows you to acknowledge a common part of the human experience. It’s normal to sound more compassionate and talk more critically to yourself. Take a moment to read the next 3 examples and see how each response feels.
Relationship situation #1
“A friend feels insecure after getting a text from someone they are interested in.”
Compassionate response: “Don’t over-think it. You can’t know what other people are thinking and it’s not your job to know. If you want, you can ask for clarification.”
Critical response: Spend countless hours picking through all the possible interpretations of the text messages and different scenarios that could have led to such a text. You may even call a few people to rehash your assessments and get their thoughts.
Relationship situation #2
“A friend is upset by the lack of help they are receiving from their partner.”
Compassionate response: “I’m sorry you aren’t getting the help you want. You will find a solution. For now, you can just be upset. I’m right here, ready to listen.”
Critical response: Stop asking for help and do it all yourself. You even tell yourself that you are asking for too much and probably coming across as needy.
Relationship situation #3
“A friend is worried that something is wrong in her relationship when their partner wants more alone time.”
Compassionate response: “I understand how that feels hurtful. It sounds like you feel like you’ve failed or let them down if they don’t want to spend most of their time with you. I wonder if that’s accurate?”
Critical response: Tell yourself that you have probably done something wrong and are not a good partner. You sit in feelings of rejection and remind yourself of all the reasons why you let yourself believe that things between the two of you would have gone any differently.
There are multiple ways that people respond to different scenarios and the examples above are only a few. It is not abnormal to provide more compassion to other than what you might tell yourself when faced with the same situation. I hope this helps you explore the differences between compassion for others and self-compassion.
I look forward to hearing from you and hope this helps you as you take your own powerful and transformative journey. Per usual take what fits for you, leave what does not, and join me next time. Until then let’s stay social 🙂
