Tips to transform your communication: Couples Counseling in Edmond
I find that couples are looking for help with their communication especially when they come for couples counseling in Edmond. We want to communicate better so many couples therapists offer “communication issues” as one of the items that they address and help you work through. You likely find yourself thinking that if you and your partner could just communicate better then so much could be resolved and that is partly true. We understand each other by what we communicate and we tend to believe that our verbal communication is the most direct and “foolproof way” of understanding each other.
However, we often believe that just because we share the same language, communicating should be simple and relatively easy. We are likely to have more flexibility and patience when communicating with someone who speaks a different language because we assume that there will be misunderstandings and that getting our message across will be more challenging. I believe that we assume too much of having shared language and by believing that we are easily understood we quickly move out of being curious and are more likely to assume.
Assuming that when we communicate, we all draw the same conclusion
I invite you to go on a journey with me of approaching your partner like they do not speak the same language as you. The truth is that you and your partner do not speak the same language (even if you do, technically). You have different experiences and personal biases that are used to filter and make meaning of what you and your partner communicate about. You and your partner technically share the same language however the meaning you make from what is said is different for each of you.
Pro tip: Now that you know that you and your partner interpret and understand what is said differently, allow yourself to become more curious about what you are understanding. For example: This is what I understood from what you said. Is that accurate? What am I missing?
Communicating to understand instead of agree
Continuing with this foreign language approach, note that the main focus of these conversations is to understand the other. When you approach someone who speaks a language different from yours, you are curious. You will find that what you want most is to get what the other person is saying and have them understand you. You are focused on understanding. In communicating, you are checking to see if you understand each other and trying to figure out how you can help the other understand you better.
The focus is understanding! Making sure you come to complete agreement with one another is not the goal. However, often times when couples come together to communicate the need and desire for agreement is high. Agreement is rarely the point of a conversation and is usually not possible. When we converse to agree we are more likely to feel unheard, dismiss and disconnect with one another.
Pro tip: Now that your purpose for conversing with your partner is to help them feel heard. How would your conversations shift?
Using Couples Counseling in Edmond to improve communication
The art of communication is just that, ART. When nurtured well the communication between partners becomes more intimate, collaborative and connecting. These couples move towards creating a stronger and deeper understanding of one another.
I hope this blog gives you and your partner a few tips on how to communicate better with one another. You may already be making shifts in how you communicate. Also know that couples counseling is available as a resource to help you give your communication the boost it needs.
Ready to improve your communication?
It’s time for you and your spouse to start communicating with more intimacy and less exhaustion. If you are ready to take the next step then book your free discovery call with me. Let me help you uncover the transformative potential of couples counseling when guided by a clear plan and the expertise of the right therapist can help you now, tomorrow and well into your future.
I’m also creating fun and useful content on my other social media channels! 🙂
